Crossroads

Sometimes in silent moments, when I drift off into fantasy I imagine a completely different life for myself. Suddenly I am unburdened by all the possessions that seem to weigh upon me and I pack a few essentials in some indestructible home on wheels and head off to wherever the stars lead me. I'd take on a new name just for the sake of change; and although I'd remain myself as I am today I'd be ready to let the impact of unforseen circumstances alter me in ways that I can only hope would be positive. New is not always better; but it's always different.


Sometimes I feel as if there isn't enough meaning in my life. I realize that there are a myriad of opportunities out there; things I could be doing to make a difference, to help others, to effect change. But I get so caught up the the day to day process of making money, being married, keeping up a house and running a business that I just don't get involved. Latley I've considered the possibility of actually selling my place and taking a year off to join a philanthropic organization like Habitat for Humanity and going overseas to volunteer for a program that actually has a positive influence on people's lives and improves their situation.

I guess I'm feeling a little stuck and stagnant and I don't want to let life slip by without attempting to accomplish something that pushes me outside my comfort zone. Starting the Bed and Breakfast was a bit risky, and I'm proud of how it's evolved over the years, but in the end, it seems like a very self-indulgent, and not entirely practical, endeavor. Just ask my parents. They don't even attempt to get it. They just think I should get rid of this place and find a real job. Or just work around my husband's career. He is the man after all.

But I don't want to laspe into a resentful tangent. I suppose money is important to the extent that I want to have enough to live comfortably. I've never been terribly materialistic; although I do appreciate nice stuff, it's not a big deal to me if I dress in Prada or drive a Beamer. I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of person who basically enjoys the simple pleasures. It's always been important to me to find work that is enjoyable and rewarding. The Bed and Breakfast fulfills that requirement, but lately it doesn't bring in enough income, so I've been forced to take on a second job waiting tables and at 47, I'd kind of like to be done with that. But making such a statement makes me feel as if I'm putting down others who have enduring careers in the restaurant industry, and I'd never want to express that perspective. I despise the snobbish attitude of people who consider themselves superior because they work in white collar jobs, drive fancy cars, and accumulate heaps of nice, but needless possessions. Not to say that everyone who has wealth also has an attitude. But I think my parents do. My dad has declared condescendingly that I " make beds for a living." I suppose I should consider it charitable that he didn't say "clean toilets" because that's part of my job too... and doing laundry and cooking breakfast and interacting with a wide variety of cool and intersting people. (none of whom, incidentally, seem to look down their noses at what I do or treat me as if I'm just "the help")

So. I do enjoy the Bed and Breakfast even though I feel like it may be time to move on and try something new. Maybe a coffeeshop or a wine bar or a yoga studio/wine bar or a spa/coffeeshop or a cafe or a job in a resort or in a resort/spa or or or I could go back to school and get another Master's in social work or interior design. Or I could just travel for awhile and think on it.

Hmmmm.

For now, it's down to the kitchen to make a baked apple pancake for my guests and spend some time finding out what they're about. Good Sunday to you all.

Pamela

Wool Sweaters

These are very cold days here in the state of many lakes; frigid, frosty, sub-zero days that drive even the heartiest among us into hibernation mode. For our own good, essentially. Hypothermia and frozen extremeties are not appealing prospects.

Appropriate attire, of course, makes life much more comfortable. For me the key to surviving the winter is one, or preferable two, good wool sweaters. Although it's sometimes hellish to extract myself from bed on winter mornings, an immediate transfer from down comforter to awaiting wool sweater makes the transition almost bearable. I only wish there were more things in life that could instantly alleviate my problems like a wool sweater on a cold morning.

It's Sunday and I have the day off which is rather sad because a busy B&B owner is rarely idle on Sundays. Typically I would be serving breakfast to a full house then sitting around chatting with my guests until we all eventually realize that the "official" check out time has come and gone. After everyone packs up and leaves I spend the rest of the day returning the inn to a state of pristine cleanliness and order, ready to accomodate the next group of travelers.

January is always slow but with the recent descent in economic conditions, I'm suffering more than usual this year from the winter slump. The extreme cold and abundant snowfall probably hasn't helped much either. So I'm hanging on, hoping that Valentine's Day will save me in February, and resting assured that Spring will bring it's usual flow of college touring kids with their parents in tow, and local couples reveling in the romantic effects of spring fever. Tax refunds also typically boost my business, but I fear that this year many might be applying the funds to other necessities or just saving the money for future use. Impossible to predict, but no sense in worrying about it. We will, no doubt, survive this temporary turmoil.

Having a second job has helped. Although I once thought my days of waiting tables were behind me, a part time lunch gig seemed the most practical and lucrative option to fill my 10am-2pm availability (the gap in between serving breakfast and checking in guests). Of course, I have less free time these days, but the need to allocate and budget my off hours tends to make me more productive. In theory, at least. I haven't been working out as regularly and our meals lately have tended to be of the hastily assembled variety. Oh well. So the Super Pam trophy will not be mine this year. I can live with that.

This blogging thing could prove to be another free time consumer but I'm going to make an effort to keep it going. Of course, one could spend hours just perusing the blogs of others. I was amazed to see how many people out there also have a need to write and share and interface with the world of web dwellers. Pretty cool just to see how many of us display an interest in the same authors, movies, musicians and demonstrate a desire to express ourselves in words and images. We are all creative beings to be celebrated and appreciated.

A wonderful Sunday to all of you!! Blessings,

Pamela