hey

My God I've been gone from here forever but my little blog survives in spite of neglect. Probably nobody visits anymore since I've stopped writing but, hey. That could change. I can still be a little bit popular can't I if I just make an effort here.

Okay. So. I got divorced like seven months ago but my ex husband just moved out last Friday. It took forever for him to get his act together and get his own place and stop depending on me and clinging and being a possessive, jealous, nice some of the time and an asshole the rest of the time pain in my ass.

But. He's out and I'm feeling peacefully solo even though I could be lonely and wondering why I don't seem to be able to make the whole marriage thing work out with that happy ever after ending that we all want to believe is not just some Hollywood piece of crap storyline. I don't mean to sound cynical. Just disillusioned.

It's my fault, of course, for making (2) bad choices. Number one was not nearly as big of a disaster as number 2 turned out to be but he was no picnic. No picnic, but a walk in the park compared to my last attempt at matrimonial bliss. Forgive the trite sayings. Two in row there.

sigh...

Okay so if anyone is still out there... I'm back.
Hope we'll be sharing a few words.

Pamela

She's back...

Where have I been? (you may be wondering)

My life pulled a huge 180 in the past 6 months. I divorced my husband due to what would best be described as chronic meaness. Toss in perpetual unemployment, an ill temper, and a controlling, narcissistic personality, and... well, you get the picture.

Okay so. I should be single now, right? Not exactly.

He's still living with me... primarily because he has yet to accumulate the necessary funds to move out and I'm just too soft hearted to send him packing. But also because, damn it, I do still have feelings for him and he is tenaciously hanging on and insisting that a new start can be made and he can be more responsible and a better person and ya da ya da ya da. I've heard it before and it hasn't come to pass, but being eternally hopeful, I'm giving things a chance. He is working now (5 days and counting). He is also planning to move into my basement and pay actual rent. On the downside, he has no vehicle, except for an old motorcycle that belonged to my first husband and sat unused and unloved in my garage for somewhere around 10 or 12 years. So far, I've spent about $500 trying to fix it for him and get it titled and insured. $141 of that cost was incurred when he got pulled over for riding without insurance. That wasn't the fine, just the impound fee.
Main problem is that the damn thing only runs when it's in the mood. We've named it, we talk to it, we send it positive healing thoughts, but it still continues to run for awhile and then die, and run for awhile, and die again. Currently it's dead, which means that he took my car to work, leaving me without wheels. That isn't such a huge problem since I work at home and live in a small town... but still. The guy needs to get a car. And it will probably be at least a year before his credit recovers sufficiently for that to even be a possibility.

So. We'll sink a bit more money in the bike and hope for the best. At least now it will be his money because today he gets his first paycheck. Woo hoo! It's only been since early March when he got his last one. But I'm pleased and hoping that this job will work out.

The basement situation will be interesting. I don't really know if it's enough distance for me, but we'll see. It's a two month trial attempt at salvaging the relationship by creating some boundaries and some much needed privacy. We currently share an attic that is basically like a studio apartment. And... until recently, he was out of work and always home. It's hard to miss someone when they NEVER GO AWAY.

And that, my friends, is the update. I shall try to get back to my blogging world and reading and writing and sharing with you all. I've missed it.

Pamela